Much of my initial conscious awaking was facilitated by chronic illnesses, chronic injuries, and feeling like I did not belong. I was driven to find cures for whatever was ailing me. At the same time, while I experienced financial and career success, inside I felt unsettled, not-good enough, outcast, not appreciated, unloved, and undervalued. While I initially blamed outer circumstances or the people in my life for these feelings, I later discovered that these energy patterns were prevalent throughout my consciousness which was creating my perceptions of the world and thus the repetitive circumstances of my life. I never felt so empowered when I discovered that I could transform these patterns from within which would then be reflected in the world around me.
At the same time as my initial awakening to perceptions and what was driving perceptions, I experienced a re-ignition of my empathic and intuitive capacities and a re-connection to all my repressed emotions, both of which was very initially overwhelming. My unending curiosity and a strong desire to live a fulfilling, joyful, easy, fun-filled life fueled me through an intense ten years of inner detoxification and transformation which aided both my deeper awakening and liberation from self imposed limitations.
As a child I acquiesced to fit in, lost my sense of self, and felt boxed in by my family. Essentially I grew up in an environment that was constantly toxic, controlling, and very restrictive to my little self. Since I was born, I had always felt a strong need to be free and limitless. But as a child I gave up on these needs in order to survive. Luckily these core desires only went dormant and re-surfaced when I was ready to awaken to truth.
While I had empathic and intuitive capacities as a child, I turned off my awareness to them and to what I felt so that I could mold myself into what people expected of me and therefore feed my need to be safe. I followed the expected path until health challenges became so overwhelming and creating a loud repeating pattern in my life that I could no longer ignore. It also coincided with a commitment I made to myself as a teenager to pursue what most resonated as my purpose when I turned 40 no matter what.
Throughout my life, no matter how excited I was about starting a particular job, it would always turn into something that I felt stressed, drained, and unhappy in. No matter my outward success, I seemed to always return to dread, terror, panic, and unworthiness. On top of this pattern, I experience an unending and escalating series of injuries, illnesses, and chronic conditions which intensified in my 30’s. When I exhausted all physical (3D) means of resolving various medical issues, financial issues, relationship issues I finally realized that the cause-effect paradigm we are taught was not real. It did not correlate with what shows up in our lives and in our results. I realized that consciousness is everything. Thus began my quest to understand and explore consciousness to rediscover unconditional joy, freedom, love, and fulfillment. And miraculously this enabled me to overcome all the challenges I brought to life. This journey awaken in me a deep calling to evolve towards what is true, what is real, and enlightenment.
I am thankful for all the craziness, detours, and dysfunctions that have occurred on my journey, because they awoke me and gave me access to the wisdom and wonder of consciousness. Even now I am discovering the infinite potential of what is possible. I now can choose how to experience life including choosing being present, being joyful, being free, and connecting to our unlimited inner power. I can create with grace, joy and intention. Life is so much more fun than what my family and friends told me. I have released the old paradigms that says you may only receive what you want if you work hard, have extreme discipline, sacrifice, patience, and be independent and not rely on anyone else to take care of yourself.
The universe is infinitely abundance and responsive to choice and energetic vibrations we are embodying. While at times, beliefs, paradigms, perceptions, and emotional patterns may serve us. It is only when we choose to discover who we really are and release these old limiting ways of living that we can step into our greatest self. It is time to discover our true power to love, create, and enjoy life. I have experienced more wonder, miracles, synchronicity, love, joy, amazement at what is possible than I could have ever imagined in my old paradigms of living. Enlightenment and awakening is not just about discovering what is true and what it real, it can also be the door of possibility into effortless conscious creation and embracing the infinite abundance and love of source, divinity, God and universe.